INSIDE FIONA PRETZELS PART 2 - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 138

In our last episode Mr. Meany ended up inside the body of his nemesis, feminist grad student Fiona Pretzels. No, he's literally INSIDE HER BODY, he's all folded up in there. Forced to co-exist in this manner, how will this odd couple get along? Watch, and learn!

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NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT!:

Sweetie: Hello again, folks. Mr. Meany is late for today's episode, so I guess I'll...

(Mr. Meany arrives, still in the body of Fiona Pretzels.)

Mr. Meany: Hang on, I'm here!

Fiona (taking over her body to speak): You mean, "Fiona and I are here."

Mr. Meany: Fiona, please be quiet. Sweetie and I are trying to do an episode of the show.

Fiona: I want you out of my body right now! I'm sick of you peeking at my tits when you think I'm asleep, and using my butt to crap with.

Mr. Meany: You're a fine one to talk. You eat freaking lentils and beans all day, and I'm stuck inside your skin with your stinky hippie farts.

Sweetie: Does anybody wanna explain what's going on here?

Fiona: Your gross old man whiskers keep poking my insides. You're giving my gums stubble-rash!

Mr. Meany: Well, your body's too tight. I'm really starting to chafe in here.

Sweetie: Look, I don't know how the heck Meany ended up in Fiona's body, but I'm sick of you two arguing. I'm gonna go get an Orange Julius with Mandy, and when I come home I expect to see you behaving like a civil young lady with a civil middle-aged man inside of her!

(Sweetie exits.)

Mr. Meany: Look, Fiona, we need to talk about what happened last night. I mean, specifically the shagging.

Fiona: I don't remember anything. The shock of having you inside my body must have made me temporarily insane, and I blacked out and did horrible, disgusting things I can't even remember anymore.

Mr. Meany: Come on, don't freak out about it. We just got carried away.

Fiona: But... I never did anything with a man before. I don't even like men! I hate men! That's my thing!

Mr. Meany: Hey, I once got so horny I had sex with a warm rhubarb pie... but shagging one pie doesn't make me a pie-sexual.

Fiona (despairing): Oh, God. I had sex with a man who had sex with a freaking pie.

Mr. Meany: So, maybe you're not 100 percent man-hating lesbo. Well, nobody is 100 percent anything. But if you look deep inside yourself, you know who you really are. Well, technically, right now deep inside yourself, there's me. But you know what I mean.

Fiona: Mr. Meany, I think that may be the least appalling thing you've ever said to me. It was almost... sensitive. (A pause.) Hang on. Why do I feel you getting an erection inside of me?

Mr. Meany: I'm sorry. I'm remembering that pie.

Fiona: Get out of me right now, or I'm gonna eat lentils and beans until I crap you out!